ramonaforever: Somewhat impressionistic image of girl sitting on a bed reading. (Default)
Feels good to be out amongst the living again. I probably should have stolen the reigns yesterday. Dy was over it after two days and pretty much phoning it in. Our partner thought it was my day anyway. Not entirely sure what to get into today. Thinking about picking up the City Texture Pack for Minecraft because Bio suggested it might have computers and things. I might do that. We and they have been doing a lot of building together in creative mode. They want each of us to build something in the world while we're out for the month. Dy built a temple to himself. >_< He also built a little glass and fire house that looks cool while Bio was building an ice fortress. I'm not sure what I would build. I think that's why Bio suggested the City Pack.

Right now, thiugh, I'm going to need a shower to feel entirely human. I'm feeling pretty present and not quasi-dissociative like last month, so that's good. Maybe it was just a fluke or had to do with whatever pain we were in.
ramonaforever: Moth (moth)
Trying to bounce back after completely dissociating yesterday because of pain. It wasn't even terrible pain it was just constant and annoying so I left my body completely unmanned for a while, which is terrible, because then the emotional center takes over with no rationality or guidance and it's just... bad. Man. That is way to personal. Should I even be talking about that? Yeah. So, not neurotypical. That cat is out of the bag, huh? I left an ask on a blog on Tumblr today about what to call myself romantically and sexually and i'm hoping I left it in a place it will be taken seriously and also not harshly judged. I know that sexual aros can get a bad rap and I don't want to be misconceived. I tried to explain that what most people would perceive as romantic attachment my mind wishes to express sexually, but I don't know if I know how to make that not sound bad. I know that some Fae and Elves have similar orientations, but I'm not that so I don't know what words I should use and for some reason, I really want words. I don't know why it's a thing, I just want to know how to explain myself without having to explain myself. Er. Yeah. That's exactly it.

I wish the world were simpler. I wish that I wasn't forced to deal with so many things that are outside of myself. I guess, I'm glad I'm not alone on this journey, though. I debated whether I should be open about plurality here because I would truly love a place to be accepted as myself and for myself. But plurality is too much a part of my life to leave it out. Besides, people are going to wonder why I only show up for a few days a month then disappear again. Being out about being plural is scary, though, because it's not something that is within the realm of reality for so many people and you want to talk about judgments??? People either hate, fear, or avoid what they don't understand. And those who are just curious are probably going to be more interested in "us" than me. I don't want to discourage anyone from trying to get to know me, but I feel like ... I gotta stop. I'm starting to dissociate just thinking about this and I'm trying hard to stay attached and engaged today. Damn. I didn't realize how prone to dissociate I am. I think that's probably definitely a "me" thing. I am so relaxed and chill that when I start to actually get overwhelmed I just "nope out." That makes sense.

Ok. This got weird. Of course it did. My life is weird.
ramonaforever: And So the Adventure Begins (adventure)
Still working on putting this place together, but it's a good place to start, I think. No one is here... but that's ok. It just feels good to have a place that's mine in a world of a lot of "not mine's." Need to get my head on my shoulders and start taking a piece of this world for myself. We all do, here. That's a scary prospect, I guess, but damnit, we sure as frell deserve more than we have. I need to make the best of these three days like they are the last I'll have, right? Right.


ramonaforever: Somewhat impressionistic image of girl sitting on a bed reading. (Default)
Winny Ramona

September 2015

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